Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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