i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
