i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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