You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
