Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
