I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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