I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
