when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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