Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
