I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
