im six kinds of drunk right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
