dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
