There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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