How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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