Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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