Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
