i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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