She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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