You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize