it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have post one night stand depression
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
