His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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