I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
