she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
two words...techno handjob
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
