The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize