He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
