haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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