After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
