you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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