Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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