I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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