I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
