life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
