People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
