When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
