cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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