This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize