My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
