she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
