I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
