I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
