am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
