Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
