she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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