we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
