his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
