He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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