i just google imaged poop.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
