Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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