i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
