we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
