You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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