Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
