Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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