I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
bring money and cleavage
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
