I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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