It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
