I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
