1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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