they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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