I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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