i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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