There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
