why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
