only if we run a train.
done.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
