Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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