oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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