the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
