just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
