My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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