Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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