Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
